There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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