Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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