drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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