Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
