That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
