So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I could fuck to npr.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
