They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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