did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
