he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
