i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
