My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize