dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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