drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
