Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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