The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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