you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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