I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Damn victory sex feels great
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
