i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
