Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
