Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
