Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
