well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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