I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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