she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
