at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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