my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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