Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize