The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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