Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
