i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
