If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
