so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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