I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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