dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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