6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
