All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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