Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
