saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
