Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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