Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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