I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
