Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize