I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
