yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
