WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How's work?
Spinning.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
