I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
