ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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