Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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