oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
