remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My vagina is officially offended.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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