I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
