I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
