I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
