Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
