yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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