I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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