its not stalking. its research.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
