I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
