So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
