She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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