The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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