Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize