just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
