Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
