I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
