You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just invented taco cereal.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just pee around me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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