the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i came on her dog
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
